|No. 1 in my Wine Color series|
The Anxious Artist No.1
Is it fair to call to myself an artist when I have very little artwork to show for it?
This is a good question and something I struggle to answer all the time. I mean what’ the point in calling myself an artist when I have so little work to show for it? When there is a world of fantastic, talented artist producing art everyday of every week of every year. From the most renowned to the earliest beginners, it is creative people like them putting their heart and souls into their work, posting them online for the world to see, fighting against their own fears and anxieties, and overcoming them with every piece submitted to the world wide web or local gallery. What makes their work more accepted and their abilities so great? Well they don’t have my anxiety.
Now I am in no way shape or form saying even the best artist doesn’t suffer anxiety or fear when producing their own work. As a matter of fact, I’ve read countless journal entries, tell all’s, articles, and books of almost all artists suffering from the same thing as me.
We all have that little voice in our head we fight constantly, saying things like ‘you can’t. It won’t work. No one cares, etc.’ It’s a tiny yet deafening, paralyzing voice and many artist do fight the good fight and over come that terrible doubting voice. But their voice is not mine, and my anxiety is my own problem.
For a long time I’ve thought that my voice was not important, my problem not uncommon. I selfishly dreamt one day I would break from my anxiety about creating my own artwork, make it big, and look back on that life changing moment as that hurdle I made over. And boy does that sound nice but after so long of living a disappointing delusion. I’ve decided it was best to figure out the what, how, and why my anxiety causes my own work to suffer to the point of producing nothing at all.
I am not looking to carve a name for myself about how original my problems are and writing about it on the web. Although a part of me would love to think that someone, anyone, would read my post and see how similar a situation they face and try to figure out how to accept their own artist anxieties. That this personal telling of my tale reaches their hearts and helps change their views on their own problem. That would be nice for that person but it’s not why I’m writing.
I’m not writing these entries to be their voice. I am writing to give a voice to my own desires about making my own art and finally learning to accept the anxiety that comes with it.
I have decided to start here on Deviantart to discuss this particular problem. Funnily enough, one of my biggest anxieties is while I want to show people my work and who I am. I also hate showing my work to anyone. I’m starting here because it’s a first step to take. If I had a web cam I would have tried posting on Youtube, but DA has always been my home, my greatest inspiration, source of comfort, and also a key anxieties.
My grammar sucks and I am a notorious comma whore, but I hope that writing out my feelings about my own art will be the starting point I have truly needed to begin healing and working again.
Current Residence: Consumption Town|
Favourite genre of music: New Age
Favourite photographer: My Mom
Favourite style of art: Everything
MP3 player of choice: My Black Stone
Skin of choice: My Own
Favourite cartoon character: Calvin & Hobbes, Jubei K., Ran K.
Personal Quote: "Only the truest of dreamers can succeed the Odyssey"